8 Important Discussions to Have Before Getting Hitched
So you’re thinking about getting hitched. Do you believe in love at first sight? That feeling you get when you know you have met the one? Based on all the fairytales that we read growing up, we believe that love is supposed to be something that is exciting and passionate. So it’s understandable why many people act spontaneously when they are in love! Many couples want to get married as soon as they possibly can – why waste all the time and money on planning a massive wedding and having a long engagement?
But hold on for a second – before you act too quickly, there are a few important conversations that you absolutely must have with your loved one before getting hitched. We know, we know – it’s not romantic talking about money and home chores, but the reality is this: many couples fight later in their marriage because they avoided these important discussions before. So sit your sweetheart down and ask them what they think about the following. Don’t be nervous, you two will find a way of meeting each other halfway! Compromise, or better yet, your sweetheart might just surprise you by sharing the same views with you on the following matters:
Before you get HITCHED, have you had the talk?
Do you want children? Do they want children? How many? What if you can’t have any children? Will you be willing to adopt?
This is one of the first and most obvious discussions that you should be having with the one you love before thinking about getting hitched. Children are an incredibly important, if not the most important part of many people’s lives. Many women (or men) grow up dreaming about being a parent. However, it’s not uncommon to find young individuals today who want to focus on their career and have their work projects be their children. Others may have a dream of adopting. What are your views on children and what are your partner’s views? Are they similar? Can you reach a compromise?
2. Dream home and location
When you were growing up, where did you imagine yourself to end up? Perhaps you wish to live abroad, somewhere where there is the perfect combination of suburban meets nature. Perhaps you want to live in a cosy home, nothing too big or fancy. So if you were to meet a man who did not want to travel at all, that might be a potential problem. If you were to meet a man who wanted to live in a mansion in the city that would most probably also be a potential problem. Don’t get us wrong, it’s not that you have to have exactly the same dream as your partner, but it’s important that you can agree on a few things such as the location and what type of home you would like to live in one day. It’s obvious that you both are going to have to make compromises but it’s a conversation worth having. Maybe if your partner falls in love with a specific house, you can take charge of the interior décor. Its all about the give and take.
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Money money money. It’s a bit of an awkward conversation to have, we know, but it’s an important discussion to have before getting hitched. Do any of you have any debts that you need to pay off? How are you going to be paying for your home/your cars? Will you be having separate or joint accounts? And who will be in charge of what? A few years ago, my dad was in charge of paying my university fees and my mom was in charge of paying my pocket money. How will you and your sweetheart be spending your money? Do you plan on saving for a down payment on your first home or perhaps a romantic honeymoon in Bali? Discussing money matters might become uncomfortable, but it is VERY important. While you are at it, also decide whether you need a prenup or will be getting married in community of property.
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4. Home chores
Okay, so this one might not seem that important, but having a spouse is essentially like having a roommate right? My roommate and I used to have a few arguments until we clarified our home chores. When she cooks, I do the dishes. When I cook, she does the dishes. When I clean the lounge, she vacuums – that kind of thing. Now that there is a working, effective system in place, we no longer have little arguments about whose turn it is to do the dishes or who has to cook. Just talk to your sweetheart about what he/she thinks about home chores and how you can divide them equally.
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This one is a bit more important. Is either one of you religious? Do you practice your religion? If so, how do you plan on raising your children (if you are planning on having children)? Religion is also important to consider on your actual wedding day, some people want a religious ceremony held in the Church while others want a non-religious, casual ceremony in the forest. If you are religious and you want a religious ceremony, you and your sweetheart should speak to the pastor at your Church.
When you get hitched, will you be taking your husband’s surname or will you keep yours? If so, what surname will your children take? Many women want to go tradition and take the man’s surname; others want to keep their own surnames. There really is no right or wrong answer here; it’s all about how you feel about the matter. Maybe you want to hold on to your surname because it’s a part of who you are, or maybe you are excelling in your field and you’re publishing journals with your maiden name – you and your sweetheart should have a conversation and come to a mutual understanding.
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8. Family obligations
How close are both of you to your families? Will you want to spend time with them over the holidays or do you not keep in contact with them at all? Talking about family obligations is important because it’ll prepare you for what to expect once you are married, maybe your loved one has an aunt who he has brunch with every Sunday or a brother who he plays golf with during the week. It is very important to have these sorts of discussions before marriage so you both know where you stand on these important points.
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So when everybody hears the word vacation – they instantaneously feel happy and excited! However, the word has a different meaning to everyone. Some people love the beach, other can’t stand the sand and the salty water. You get different types of travellers: extreme travellers who want to hike and skydive or cultural travels who want to explore the culture of the country. You get travellers who want to spend all their time on the beach or food and wine enthusiasts who want to indulge in the country’s cuisine. Discuss what type of holidays you would like to go on. Here, it’s super easy to compromise, this year we’ll go to Bali and next year we’ll go to New York. However, if you’re man loves to hike and keep busy with extreme sports and you’re not really into that kind of thing, book yourself a spa day. Bliss!
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